Final draft, Repishkova Tatiana

Finding myself

 The Greek philosopher Aristotle once said: "Man is by nature a social animal". It means that no individual can live without society; human life and society go hand by hand. Man has a natural urge to live an associated life with others. From the very beginning I, as an average person, have been feeling a need to be a part of different social groups: member of sport club, college class, citizen of country.  I was born in Russia and for eighteen years I had proudly claimed "I am a Russian, I am a Russian citizen, my native language is Russian and I am carrier of Russian values. But now, I feel like I do not belong to Russian culture anymore.

When I was eighteen years old I started to learn Korean language. Every day I spent all my time to learn something new about Korea. I was addicted to Korean dramas, TV-shows, K-pop, I watched every program that was broadcasted on Korean channels. I was thinking that before I go to Korea I need to learn everything about this country because I did not want to make a fool out of myself. However, I could not imagine that I was losing my Russian identity at the same time.  

Finally, I entered Korean university and started to live a life I had been prepared myself for 4 years. I didn't have what people call" culture shock", I fully understood how Korean society works and easily adjusted myself.  However, no matter the fact I could speak Korean and tried to act as a Korean I was never treated as a normal Korean inhabitant only because I was White. Because of my European appearance I was treated differently lots of times my opinion was neglected accompanied with words "She's White, she doesn't understand".

After a year of living and struggling in Korea I started to crave to come back to Russia. Finally during summer vacations I found myself flying on the plane to Moscow. But my happiness was too short. It lasted 9 hours, flying time from Incheon to my hometown.  As soon as I arrived I was shocked with ignorance, slackness, slowness of Russians. When I went in in the first shop to buy something to eat I greeted a seller by saying "Hello" but didn't hear the answer in return, emotionless face of the seller glanced at me once and continued to read a book. It was my first shock coming back.

Later, when I was going to take a bus I could not find a bus line and every time the wave of late-comers swept me away from the bus door. I could not stand my anger and screamed "Please, let's stand in a line". It was my second shock coming back.

Also, every time I met my Russian friends who I used to hang out a lot before, I found out that I do not understand them anymore and they do not understand me, time to time even laughing at me for the reason I could not completely express myself and laughing at me for my slight Korean accent. That was my third shock coming back. At that time, a thought that I do not belong to Russian culture anymore struck me. I am not a part of Russian society and cannot be a part of Korean society too. I do not know what society I belong to. I feel like a misfit being on the edge of two cultures.

Recently I recognized that I am not on my own, I am not alone. There is a bunch of international students in the university I am studying in, some of them are Russians. They also feel apart from their mother culture as I do.  Time to time we make fun out of robotic "Yes, sir" nature of Koreans and "if something goes wrong, let it be "Russians. We are trying to stick together because we found our niche next to each other. Nobody can understand you better than the person who goes through the same things.