Finding myself
Greek philosopher Aristotle once said: "Man is by nature a social animal". It means that every individual cannot live without society; human life and society go hand by hand. Man has a natural urge to live an associated life with others. From the very beginning I, as an average man, have been feeling a need to be a part of different social groups: member of sport club, college class, citizen of country. I was born in Russia and for eighteen years I had proudly claimed: "I am a Russian, I am a Russian citizen, my native language is Russian and I am carrier of Russian values". But now, I feel like I do not belong to Russian culture anymore.
When I was eighteen years old I started to learn Korean language. Every day I spent every minute to learn something new about Korea. I was addicted to Korean dramas, TV-shows, K-pop, I watched every program that was broadcasted on Korean channels. I was thinking that before I go to Korea I need to learn everything about this country because I did not want to make a fool out of myself. However, I could not imagine that I was losing my Russian identity at the same time.
Finally, I entered Korean university and started to live a life I had been prepared myself for 4 years. I didn't have what people call" culture shock", I fully understood how Korean society "works" and easily adjusted myself. However, no matter the fact I could speak Korean and tried to act as a Korean I was never treated as a "normal" Korean inhabitant only because I was White. Because of my European appearance I was treated differently, lots of times my opinion was neglected accompanied with words: "She's White, she doesn't understand".
After a year of living and struggling in Korea I started to longed to come back to Russia. Finally during summer vacations I found myself flying on the plane to Moscow. But my happiness was too short, 9 hours flying long from Incheon to my hometown. As soon as I arrived I was shocked with ignorance, slackness, slowness of Russians. When I went in in the first shop to buy something to eat I greeted a seller by saying "Hello" but didn't hear the answer in return, emotionless face of the seller glimpsed at me once and continued to read a book. It was my first "coming back shock".
Later, when I was going to take a bus I could not find a bus line and every time the wave of late-comers swept me away from the bus door. I could not stand my anger and screamed: " Please, let's stand in a line". It was my second "coming back shock".
Also, every time I met my Russian friends who I used to hang out a lot before, I found out that I do not understand them anymore and they do not understand me, time to time even laughing at me for the reason I could not completely express myself and laughing at me for my slight Korean accent. That was my third" coming back shock". At that time, a thought:" I do not belong to Russian culture anymore" struck me. I am not a part of Russian society and cannot be a part of Korean society too. I do not know what society I belong to. I feel like a misfit being on the edge of two cultures.
Was written by Repishkova Tatiana
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JBH
For me, it is very interesting what you write about your strugeling of feeling part of a siciety again. Everything you wrote is really easy to understand and makes me wonder how I would feel coiming back to Germany after a year or more in Korea. I remember how nervous I was going back to Germany after nearly a year in New Zealand. I was way more nervous going back, than going to any other place I've been to. I know how it feels to get back to your homecountry to notice things you didn't bother about before. Luckily, I didn't have any problems coming back cultural wise, because they are not that different after all and I really wish for you to find your place again as well! - Kat
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